You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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