what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
