I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
