i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We left the knife in your bed.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
