He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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