Im at strip club and am horny
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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