I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
