Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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