My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize
