dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
