Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
