Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
