who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
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I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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