We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
