So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
