just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
