you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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