girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
