am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Boobs speak an international language.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
