I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
