I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I wish I only lived at night.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
