I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
