At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
