im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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