hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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