I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize