I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I have tasted many bathrooms
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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