Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
