your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
