just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
