Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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