Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
