you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
