Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
