Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
