I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
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I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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