The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
