after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize