how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The power of my boobs compel you
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
