I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
