im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
