it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
