ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i would punch a child for taco bell
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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