how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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