I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
