do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
