You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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