Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
