Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
