My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
