There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
