I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
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You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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