Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
