we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
