The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
