Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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