I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wish i was in the wii world.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
