I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
