i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
