**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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