So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
