I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
