Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
