you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
