If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
