I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
