I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
