hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
