I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
