16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
