She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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